MUSE

This isn't what I want, deep down.
 I don't see how this ends well.
 I'm swimming in these currents cause it feels good right now, but I have no destination and I know it'll hurt tomorrow.

 Why do I chase pain?

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How do you grieve one thing twice?

You don't. That's how. Not because you don't want to, but because we aren't built that way.
Once, you had this beautiful gemstone, you lost it, and you grieved, it hurt you  to your very core.
Then, you eventually emerge from your period of darkness, whole and refined, you find a certain peace, calm that had previously eluded you.
Eventually, you find that gemstone within your reach once more, or maybe not. But you're not that same person you were, you did lose that stone, you did grieve and you did recover.
However, you remember how nice it was when you had it, and the illusion of what was, begins to crowd your reality of what is. Even the stone isn't the same, or it is, it just didn't grow in the direction that you have.
Its not an "errant" gene that's holding you back from having your stone. Not some over thinking. Its you and your stone that's holding you back from having it.
Yes you have changed, the illusion of what was is "good enough" to make you want to pursue. However, your stone is just there, dancing in the distance.
Its not your stone. It may never belong to you or you may totally own it in the future.
In the mean time...........
Well hello, serenity ma nigga, is that you?

On Letting People Walk Through Your Mind With Dirty Feet.

No two people are 100% alike. We don't respect that enough. All of us.
I'm still struggling to accept that even. Sometimes  I hear someone's line of thought, and I'm tempted to roll my eyes and say "seriously?" I pause and just stop. Just stop.
Without realising it, I had started a movement to this "individuality" effect in my mid-teens, where I used to do things just to pass the message that I could, and there isn't one way of doing this thing.
At some point, I overdid it and was mean a lot. I was giving off a lot of "Lean back, bruh" attitude. 
Cause this is what you've known all your life, doesn't mean other ways are wrong, and seeing someone with a different idea, shouldn't mean you have to "convert" them to your way(s) of thinking.
 People don't respect that enough, forever trying to send their ideas and thoughts down our throats.
I think our differences make us beautiful. Give the people in your life room to breathe and just be.

11 Things I Learnt as a Fresh Graduate (about the workplace).

1. Always introduce yourself.
 2. Be mindful of the language you use in emails.
  Mails are like evidence (full stop).
 3. Gather witnesses.
 Further to the point above. You're dealing with an uncooperative client, team member or superior? Just send him/her a really sweet email copying your Manager and his Manager in the thread.
 4. Find out what actions of respect are acceptable/ liked.
5. Understand the people you work with. The way you need to understand your significant other, your parents in order to have a seamless relationship, is the same way you need to understand the people you work with. Not necessarily in depth but perception is important. Even something as little as knowing your Partner likes the AC off can go a long way.
 6. Breakfast is not the most important meal of the day for fun. Have it!
7. There is A LOT to learn; as much as you want to "show yourself", these people are ahead of you for a reason. Just calm down and learn as much as you can from them.
 8. Don't talk too much about yourself no one really cares. Yes, maybe they care about you as a person, just don't push it.
 9. Its hardly ever personal. Your Team Lead literally tells you the report you spent all night preparing for him is "nonsense"? Don't take it personal. Really. He's probably getting fire from the top too.
10. Its not okay to be a mess at any age. I've read a number of articles saying how its okay to be a mess in your early 20s, etcetera etcetera. That is just crap, true, you don't have to have it all figured out. Heck no one has it figured out, we're all just winging it. Its just not okay to wallow in your confusion at any age.
 11. Embrace difficulty.
lol Really, nothing good comes easy in real life. Success on all fronts: workplace, relationships, comes with commitment and hard work. There were times I had to work weekends to get things done when I'd rather be chilling. The beauty is that the process of hard work is a value-adding process. So even if it doesn't work out, you come out more refined.

I Choose to be Happy.

I probably say this a lot, but all I want is the gold. That gold, is being happy. Regardless what vessel brings is to me.

 In my life, I’ve come to identify those things that make me happy. That put the smile on my face, whether it’s a good book, good food, the wonderful people in my life, and that one person who puts butterflies in my belly.

 I’m not going diminish any of my various sources of happiness, but I have to say, their contributions are weighted and I know what my “gold’ truly is. I have found that “kryptonite” that just makes me silly and weak at the knees (Good kind) and I am unashamed. When I’m in that zone, I strive to be at my best; I want to be better at my work, I want to be a better child, a better Muslim, a better friend. I want to be a better person at life, actually living life as opposed to just passing through. I want to be more than mediocre.

 I am at peace.

 Cancel Mediocrity.    

What an Eventful Morning.

Its a public holiday today, so I got to sleep a little longer before I headed for work. Good thing there wasnt a lot of traffic. Within the two hours it took me to get to work, so much had happened. In the first bus i entered to Oshodi, I was reminded that most Nigerians are born with a degree in insulting. In the BRT bus I boarded, the Most Beautiful event unfolded before my very eyes; and from which I learned two things: 1. Love is real 2. People learn/grow to hate or to be sentimental/tribalistic/racist/... e.t.c There was a Woman sitting in front of me with her baby on her back. Very cheerful boy he was, speaking his "ta ta ta" baby language for all who would listen. At some point he was putting his hand out the window, I moved to remove them but stopped when I saw that his Mother was already aware of what he was doing. If she had a problem with it, she would have done something about it. There was a Man sitting beside her, and on seeing a young lady and her baby, he gave up his seat (Chivalry isn't dead suckers!!!). Now, there are two Mothers backing two babies in front of me. Both boys. The chatty baby looked to the "new comer baby" with keen interest and a wonderful smile, he then took his hand.That had to be love, it was so beautiful to watch. At this point, let me say that both women were visibly from different tribes. The chatty baby's Mother smiled at the new baby and attempted to start a conversation with his Mother, but she was having none of it, and she steady tried to distract her son from his new friend with offerings of chin chin and the rest. After a while, the chatty baby started to doze and let go of his friend's hand. But the new baby was having none of it. He held on to his hand as if to say "You want to sleep off and leave me?" It was beautiful to watch. We were like aliens to them in their own little world and it was amazing. Especially when you factor in the fact that the new Mother obviosuly did not like the new relationship. I wouldnt know if it was a tribe thing, or she just wasnt in a good mood (Im going on to assume its tribe). Nelson Mandela's words make much more sense to me now. No one is born hating anyone cause of the colour of your skin or language you speak, people are taught to hate, but lets just stick to love cause its beautiful and less of a burden to bear. Anyways, I was still smiling as I alighted and got into the next bus. As the Conductor was moving to collect his money, the man beside me flashed him his I.D card (Apparently, there's some sort of unwritten rule where Police Officers don't pay for bus). The bone of contention here was that the man wasnt wearing a unifrom, and that privilege is usually accorded only to those in uniform. The conductor eventually agreed but the Police Officer had flipped, saying "How dare you ask for my uniform? Do you know who I am? Youre lucky I'm so and so, I would have slapped you this morning e.t.c" and the Conductor wasnt even speaking. Finally, a woman spoke (What we were all thinking possibly). She set the Policeman straight, saying the conductor wasnt wrong, seeing as the privilege is accorded to offficers in uniform etc. And how we're not helping the corruption problem of Nigeria. I would have clapped for her if not that the man was sitting beside me, and I've heard of slaps that leave you deaf "I go deaf you" kind of slaps. Anyways, the man took it out of turn, cursed her generations, threatened to arrest her, called her rift raft, basketmouth, we all laughed, and I got off at my busstop. she was the bravest person in the room. What an eventful morning.