How do you grieve one thing twice?

You don't. That's how. Not because you don't want to, but because we aren't built that way.
Once, you had this beautiful gemstone, you lost it, and you grieved, it hurt you  to your very core.
Then, you eventually emerge from your period of darkness, whole and refined, you find a certain peace, calm that had previously eluded you.
Eventually, you find that gemstone within your reach once more, or maybe not. But you're not that same person you were, you did lose that stone, you did grieve and you did recover.
However, you remember how nice it was when you had it, and the illusion of what was, begins to crowd your reality of what is. Even the stone isn't the same, or it is, it just didn't grow in the direction that you have.
Its not an "errant" gene that's holding you back from having your stone. Not some over thinking. Its you and your stone that's holding you back from having it.
Yes you have changed, the illusion of what was is "good enough" to make you want to pursue. However, your stone is just there, dancing in the distance.
Its not your stone. It may never belong to you or you may totally own it in the future.
In the mean time...........
Well hello, serenity ma nigga, is that you?